Jerry, you need to find god
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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