What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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