I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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