i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
