I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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