i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
