she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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