I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
