I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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