My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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