Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
