Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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