i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize