Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
