If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
