I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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