Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
