Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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