Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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