Don't make out with my wife yet
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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