Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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