I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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