If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
