Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
