woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
