My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize