My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The power of my boobs compel you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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