I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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