but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why is half of my head shaved?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
