TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
