I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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