So drunk its hurt
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
