hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
