i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
