You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
