wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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