I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
