i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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