I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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