So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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