If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
