Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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