Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
