I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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