i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
