I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I believe in your delicious
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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