so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
