her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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