Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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