Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
