I want to have your abortion
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
