why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
