no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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