Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
