we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
