i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everclear isn't food dammit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
