There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
