Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
