O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
