I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
