I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
