someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
