so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
