did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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