I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
