so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
